FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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