Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
