He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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