I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
