I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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