Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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