I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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