She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
