jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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