sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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