Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
