Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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