either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We had to coat check the pizza.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
