Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
