Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
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We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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