Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
