there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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