he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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