I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
