I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
