hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
