His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
