hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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