Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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