I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
