So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
