didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
