I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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