During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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