There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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