we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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