you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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