hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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