why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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