I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
