i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
