Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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