Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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