I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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