I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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