**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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