Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
