Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You made out with two different species that night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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