You're so nebulous sometimes
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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