$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize