So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
