halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
