is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
