I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
