Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The uberlube is also flammable
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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