Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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