And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Boobs are out for the taking
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
