just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
