My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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