so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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