You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
