How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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