my soul wont recognize me after tonight
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
