I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high people should be assigned attendants
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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