...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just high enough for therapy.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
