The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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