I don't usually arrange sex via text message
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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