I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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