omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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