party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
