i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
