New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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