i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
