Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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