You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
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ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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