Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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