When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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