So drunk its hurt
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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