Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
