How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
