A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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