Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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