How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
