I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize