You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
