is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
