I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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