I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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